I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize