so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
