We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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