I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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