I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
