Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
