He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
