the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
