I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
