He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
