My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
