I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
