OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
