I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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