I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
