I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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