I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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