Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
