carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
