Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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