Non-Jews are for practice
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
