Betty ford says i'm here all night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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