i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
