I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
