Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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