mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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