Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
