we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
