do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
