My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
