sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
