my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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