I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize