Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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