God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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