I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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