I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
