Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
