I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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