I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
