I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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