Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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