just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
