My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
People in love make me want to vomit
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
