Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
