We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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