garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
