So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
