That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
