In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
