I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
should my penis look like a turkey
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
