I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
