did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
