i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
