oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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