Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
