Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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