yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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