My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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