smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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