I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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