My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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