I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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