Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
