I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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