Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize