I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
