Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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