you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
