Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
