Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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