her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
