Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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