She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
